Silence

O my soul:

Not much anxiety. Not much depression. Even though activity is swirling around me. I visited my pastor earlier this week and then a good friend.

It is a blessing to confess aloud sin rather than confess anxiety or depression about this sin. It is a greater blessing to be absolved of that sin. Thanks pastor.

And then a little laughter with a friend. I am aware how much I am beginning to feel again and a good laugh with a friend is priceless. Thanks friend.

But overall I've become quiet. I've been praying Matins quite regularly for awhile now. Mostly at home but starting last Tuesday three days a week at the church with the doors open to the public (and announced to the congregation).

I'm beginning to listen to Christ more and myself less. The medication helps but something more is happening. The more I listen, the more I'm able to feel, the more I'm able to pray, the more I'm able to go about my vocations as son, husband, father, pastor, and neighbor.

And let me tell you, the events taking place in my God given vocations are highly emotional. Just this week, my wife was deeply hurt by a congregational survey the elders wanted to conduct and I, in grave error, left it in a place she could read. The first elder's meeting went well but still tense. A teenager, who just buried his father earlier this summer, rolled his (dad's restored) car and is hospitalized with his three friends. I am part of a great group of pastors that make up a Circuit of pastors within our District of pastors. We like and get along with each other very well even while we are not well liked within our district (which became clearer at a meeting this past week.) What else? Shut-ins, hospice calls, cohabitation with newborn child, a male rape victim whose cutting himself, confirmation classes, Bible studies, etc. Not even in my dreams would I imagine some of this stuff.

But...I'm calm, content, in Christ. It is a miracle beyond the meds. I entrusted this week, morning by morning, to Christ and I have been able to serve Him in my vocations without being crushed. Not much anxiety. Not much depression.

Lord, continue to have mercy upon me, my wife, children, and congregation.

And thanks to our Savior, Jesus the Christ!

-oms