Monday, June 21, 2010

Dosage and the Solar Equinox

O My Soul:

Longer days brings brighter feelings, so a few weeks ago I ask my doctor what he thought about reducing my dosage. I would give it a try if he thought it was a good idea and my wife was willing. They both said yes. I, too, was willing to give it a try. I'm tired of the side effects - random dizziness, light headed, feeling flat. So, we cut my Celexa dosage in half.

This is not working. The sun can shine all day but I feel that sinking feeling of irratability and lethargy. This is not working.

How can you know if things are turning toward a depressive episode? Check out this list and which symptoms I am currently experiencing:

1. Low mood. (Yes)

2. Increased irritability. (Yes)

3. Lack of motivation. (Yes)

4. Low self-esteem. (A little)

5. Sleep disturbance. (Yes)

6. Suicidaly thoughts. (No and thank God for that!)

7. Hallucinations or delusions. (Ditto)

8. Difficulty managing small tasks or making simple desicions. (Yes, it's getting harder.)

9. Reckless and risk taking. (No)

10. Staying home from work or school. (Yes)

11. Increased alcohol consumption. (No, but I am longing for a cold beer or 5)

12. Loss of interest in food, sex, or other pleasurable activities. (Currently, it's not a loss of interest as much as obsessive thoughts about these topics.)

13. Sensitivity to slight criticisms. (Yes)

So I'm sinking into depression but as long as I am rational I am motivated to implement the following plan:

1. Tell my wife.

2. Tell my doctor. (up my dosage - on the longest day of the year no doubt)

3. Tell my pastor and schedule a visit with him this week.

4. Line up a new psychologist and psychiatrist. I haven't done that since the move. I hate this part, but my network of helpful people is too small should I become a little non-functional. It is also way over the head of my wife to experience alone.

5. Start today.

The hardest part of all this is admitting that I won't get better without help from many other people, I feel the stigma of being on anti-depressants more than ever, and this is a lifelong effort.

So, Hope in Christ &
God be with you.


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