Monday, October 11, 2010

Treasure Kept For You

O My Soul:

I am continuing to meet weekly with my psychologist and pastor.

A detailed plan from the psychologist is not complete.  She spent our last session asking me questions about key relationships in my life and the conflicts involved with them.  Next week, we will go over all the results and I will most likely be presented with a few psychiatrists to look at my medications.  I am hopeful this will lead to improvements for my aching soul but it will take awhile.

I am thankful that I am able to meet with my pastor after meeting with the psychologist.  The psychologist is good at focusing on the law and clarifying it for my emotional health, however, the pastor speaks the gospel.

There was a time when I thought suicide may be an option for no other reason than to end the pain.  That thought alone scared me and continues to frighten me.  How bad can depression be?  Death.  I think that's kinda bad.  I know and am afraid of the thought that I could lose all that I have even at my own hand.

I never acted on that suicidal tendency but I now know it is possible whereas several years ago I would have not thought it even possible.

My pastor said a number of comforting things.  (I'm not sure if I heard all of them, but..)  One stands out.  Jesus is not only the giver of His gifts to sinners, but He is also the protector of His gifts for me.  Hearing that meant a lot.  I have been afraid of losing much.

It's hard to be cared for.  My flesh rejects it.  But this depression thing is maybe changing that.

I've been in over my head for a long time.  The help is appreciated.

Hope in Christ & 
God bless you.


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