Monday, April 12, 2010

Emotional Quotient and Depression

O My Soul:

My increased Emotional Intelligence Quotient came in handy this evening. The church council met in preparation for a Voter's Assembly. What surprised me was not the topic of dispute; not even the validity of an argument that is being proposed against one that I placed on the table with the consent of the Board of Elders. What surprised me was the pure anger of the one making the argument. Also, it appeared to me as personal antagonism against yours truly. Wow.

This issue has nothing to do with anyones intelligence. A high IQ won't help resolve the conflict. This is all about emotions. My emotions almost got the best of me. Tonight was the first time in a long time I felt pure, unadulterated anger. Call it violent rage. And then I felt all the signs of depression at the same time. Emotional overload.

The difference is that tonight I was very aware not only of my emotions but also how I was projecting myself to others. That is a skill I have been learning. It's called Emotional Intelligence. It really works. I did express a brief sigh of frustration at the end. But, I'm telling you, it had none of the emotional force I was feeling. Things remained calm...except for the one person in the room.

And a second person was upset. An elder stayed after the meeting. He hadn't spoken during the meeting but I did notice his face was red for most of it. He expressed his great frustration about the other gentleman. He was kind but not happy. I listened and we both calmed down.

Things will work out at church.

Unfortunately, I let my guard down as I came home. I wasn't that calm. I thought my wife wanted to talk, but I think she only wanted to balance the checkbook and go to bed. I started directing my anger toward her. That brief outburst conveyed the full force of my violent rage...toward her.

She balanced the checkbook and went to bed. I'm writing this post.

I hope things work out between us tomorrow.

God bless her, the council, and you



  1. THAT is a very hard situation. Controlling yourself in public, bringing intense feelings home where you are safe, and then venting them in a way that is not hurtful. Let me know if you figure out that part.

  2. The most conscious thing I do is reverse the mask. Whereas I use to wear a mask to hide from others and even myself, now I use the mask to protect those around me. But obviously not very well.