World Cup Depression - Fading Away

O My Soul:

Decreasing my medication for depression is an action I won't be taking again anytime soon. I felt like I was wasting away. I felt distorted; raw; nothing. I felt frustrated; easily angered; short-tempered.

I didn't want to do anything. I did catch some of the World Cup matches on the tube. Disinterestedly surprised the U.S. beat England. Didn't care we lost to Ghana. Didn't want to get up but somehow kept going a little.

But now I feel human again. Not happy, but human. The medication has pulled me out of the crazy place.

And what emotion am I feeling? I'm now more than a little disappointed we lost to Ghana. But we have another chance at another World Cup. (Decreasing my meds is another story). I'm also feeling joy that I have such a loving family. They put up with much.


Hope in Christ &
God bless you.

-oms

Dosage and the Solar Equinox

O My Soul:

Longer days brings brighter feelings, so a few weeks ago I ask my doctor what he thought about reducing my dosage. I would give it a try if he thought it was a good idea and my wife was willing. They both said yes. I, too, was willing to give it a try. I'm tired of the side effects - random dizziness, light headed, feeling flat. So, we cut my Celexa dosage in half.

This is not working. The sun can shine all day but I feel that sinking feeling of irratability and lethargy. This is not working.

How can you know if things are turning toward a depressive episode? Check out this list and which symptoms I am currently experiencing:

1. Low mood. (Yes)

2. Increased irritability. (Yes)

3. Lack of motivation. (Yes)

4. Low self-esteem. (A little)

5. Sleep disturbance. (Yes)

6. Suicidaly thoughts. (No and thank God for that!)

7. Hallucinations or delusions. (Ditto)

8. Difficulty managing small tasks or making simple desicions. (Yes, it's getting harder.)

9. Reckless and risk taking. (No)

10. Staying home from work or school. (Yes)

11. Increased alcohol consumption. (No, but I am longing for a cold beer or 5)

12. Loss of interest in food, sex, or other pleasurable activities. (Currently, it's not a loss of interest as much as obsessive thoughts about these topics.)

13. Sensitivity to slight criticisms. (Yes)

So I'm sinking into depression but as long as I am rational I am motivated to implement the following plan:

1. Tell my wife.

2. Tell my doctor. (up my dosage - on the longest day of the year no doubt)

3. Tell my pastor and schedule a visit with him this week.

4. Line up a new psychologist and psychiatrist. I haven't done that since the move. I hate this part, but my network of helpful people is too small should I become a little non-functional. It is also way over the head of my wife to experience alone.

5. Start today.

The hardest part of all this is admitting that I won't get better without help from many other people, I feel the stigma of being on anti-depressants more than ever, and this is a lifelong effort.

So, Hope in Christ &
God be with you.

-oms