My Childhood Introduction to PTSD: Part 1

O My Soul:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not only for war torn soldiers and civilians, but is available for all in the hidden wars of family and domestic violence.

It was a perfect day for a picnic. The leaves were turning colors early that fall. The sky was clear and sunny. It was the day for the County Policeman's Annual Picnic. My dad was a county patrolman, off we went.

Yahooooo! This was fun stuff. I was about 10 years old. It was time for my little brother and I to spend the day with dad since he and mom were already divorced or separated or something like that. Mom was at home in the afternoon but then would waitress the evening shift at Grandpa's restaurant. Dad would drop us off at the restaurant after the picnic and we would go home with mom.

I loved picnics. So many other kids would be there. And a little secret. Dad's policeman buddy recently remarried and his cute step daughter (who started attending my public school and was in my class!?) would be there too.

The afternoon started with the big softball game in the park. My little brother and I played center field on either side of dad. Dad even had his boyhood baseball glove which he shared with us rugrats. Between innings we were served free Root Beer. What joy. The grownups had the free beer but that stuff was awful tasting. We kids had the good stuff.

After the big game, I served for half-dollars in a haystack, won a three legged race with a friend of mine, and wondered why my hands were so shaky and warm everytime I passed by my dad's friends cute step daughter whom I was to nervous to talk to directly.

It was a great day.

When it was time to go I, swore I wouldn't forget this day. Plus, I was high from all the sugar from that free Root Beer. What I didn't know was that dad was pretty high from all that free beer.

...to be continued.

Until then:

Hope in Christ &
God bless you.

-oms

Panic and Anxiety Disorder

O My Soul:

Here are a few questions that helped me to identity my panic disorder:

1. Do you have spontaneous anxiety attacks that come out of the blue? Yes or No.

2. Have you had at least one such attack in the last month? Yes or No.

3. If you had an anxiety attack in the last month, did you worry about having another one? Or did you worry about the implications of your attack for your physical or mental health? Yes or No.

4. In your worst experience with anxiety, did you have more than three of the following symptoms?

a. Shortness of breath or smothering sensation

b. Dizziness or unsteady feeling

c. Heart palpitations or rapid heartbeat

d. Trembling or shaking

e. Sweating

f. Choking

g. Nausea or abdominal distress

h. Feelings of being detached or out of touch with your body

i. Numbness or tingling sensations

j. Flushes or chills

k. Chest pain or discomfort

l. Fear of dying

m. Fear of going crazy or doing something out of control

If you answered yes to questions 1, 2, 3, and 4, stop. You've met the conditions for panic disorder.

I lived with full blown panic disorder while living overseas but have been prone to it for many years. Currently, with less stress in my life, I have a lesser degree of anxiety called General Anxiety Disorder which is still chronic but somewhat managable and leftovers of what is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But I'll save that for another post.

If you are still not sure what a Panic or Anxiety Disorder is, check out this educational video produced by several competent organizations including the National Institute of Mental Health and hosted by Willard Scott.

As a pastor, I have several congregation members who don't come to church or won't get involved in church activities because of various forms of anxiety. But I'll save that for another post as well.

In the meantime,
Hope in Christ &
God bless you.

-oms

Anxiety: Depression's Cousin

O My Soul:

I have not written much about anxiety. I often experience anxiety more easily than depression. Take away the anxiety and then I can focus on the depression.

But what is anxiety?

Here is a quote from The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne:

You can can better understand the nature of anxiety by looking both at what it is and what it is not. For example, anxiety can be distinguished from fear in several ways. When you are afraid, your fear is usually directed toward some concrete external object or situation. The event that you fear is usually within the bounds of possibility. You might fear not meeting a deadline, failing an exam, be unable to pay your bills, or being rejected by someone you want to please. When you experience anxiety, on the other hand, you often cannot often specify what it is you are anxious about. The focus of anxiety is more internal than external. It seems to be a response to a vague, distant, or even unrecognized danger. You might be anxious about "losing control" of yourself or some situation. Or you might feel a vague anxiety about "something bad happening."

Anxiety affects your whole being. It is physiological, behavioral, and psychological reaction all at once. On a physiological level, anxiety may include bodily reactions such as rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, queasiness, dry mouth, or sweating. On a behavioral level, it can sabotage your ability to act, express yourself, or deal with everyday situations.

Psychologically, anxiety is a subjective state of apprehension and uneasiness. In its most extreme form, it can cause you to feel detached from yourself and even fearful of dying or going crazy.

Hope in Christ &
god bless you

-oms

God's Word and Depression

O My Soul

Twenty four hour streaming of Issues Etc. going on NOW.

Currently (8am to 10am CST) on the Psalms

8-10 am Tim Saleska – Psalms

10 am-12 pm Andrew Steinmann – Proverbs

12 pm-2 pm Scott Murray – Galatians

2-4 pm Bill Cwirla – Romans

Marriage Update

O My Soul:

For those of you concerned about my marriage after my Monday blow-up, she forgave me.

She said she learned a few Emotional Quotient things herself over the last few months.

However, thanks to all of you for your prayers.

Christ is in this with us so...

There is hope,
God bless you

-oms

Binge Drinking and Depression

O My Soul:

I remember my sophomore year in High School health class. The teacher said that drinking increased the inability to cope with many daily and common problems that we might face in life.

I was confused. Alcohol was socially acceptable for old and young alike. And wow was it fun. I was a binge drinker. I started when I was 14. Realized I might have a problem when I threw up in my sleep at 17. Couldn't stop at 20.

Finally, I became not only bored with the drinking routine but also repulsed with hangovers. I stopped.

Why did I not remain addicted? I don't know. But I gave it my best shot. At my worst I knew that I blacked out at about 18 beers, but the evidence was that I drank a few more beyond that.

I was listening to a person talk about an alcoholic spouse the other day and realized I think like an alcoholic. The language makes sense. The patterns makes sense. Part of recovering from depression is learning new skills, learning how to handle the common problems we face in life. I think I still have poor coping skills...


...Maybe that High School health class teacher was on to something.

Here is a CDC video that says a lot of what that teacher may have tried to tell me.

As a pastor, I am still surrounded by alcohol. But the "wow" is turned into the witness of much pain, isolation, domestic violence, car accidents, marital separation & divorce, attempted suicide, and even a death - from alcohol.

Lord have mercy.


Hope in Christ &
God bless you and yours

-oms

Emotional Quotient and Depression

O My Soul:

My increased Emotional Intelligence Quotient came in handy this evening. The church council met in preparation for a Voter's Assembly. What surprised me was not the topic of dispute; not even the validity of an argument that is being proposed against one that I placed on the table with the consent of the Board of Elders. What surprised me was the pure anger of the one making the argument. Also, it appeared to me as personal antagonism against yours truly. Wow.

This issue has nothing to do with anyones intelligence. A high IQ won't help resolve the conflict. This is all about emotions. My emotions almost got the best of me. Tonight was the first time in a long time I felt pure, unadulterated anger. Call it violent rage. And then I felt all the signs of depression at the same time. Emotional overload.

The difference is that tonight I was very aware not only of my emotions but also how I was projecting myself to others. That is a skill I have been learning. It's called Emotional Intelligence. It really works. I did express a brief sigh of frustration at the end. But, I'm telling you, it had none of the emotional force I was feeling. Things remained calm...except for the one person in the room.

And a second person was upset. An elder stayed after the meeting. He hadn't spoken during the meeting but I did notice his face was red for most of it. He expressed his great frustration about the other gentleman. He was kind but not happy. I listened and we both calmed down.

Things will work out at church.

Unfortunately, I let my guard down as I came home. I wasn't that calm. I thought my wife wanted to talk, but I think she only wanted to balance the checkbook and go to bed. I started directing my anger toward her. That brief outburst conveyed the full force of my violent rage...toward her.

She balanced the checkbook and went to bed. I'm writing this post.

I hope things work out between us tomorrow.


God bless her, the council, and you

-oms

Pastoral Care Under the Cross - God in the Midst of Suffering by Richard C. Eyer

O My Soul:

Spiritual Care is not much of a topic in our postmodern culture, even in the church.

Reverend Richard Eyer introduces a spiritual care deeply rooted in Christianity. It is his relection on 20+ year hospital chaplaincy while, at that time, the director of pastoral care at Columbia Hospital in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

In the preface of Pastoral Care under the cross: God in the midst of suffering Rev. Eyer states his starting point for spiritual care this way:

The theme throughout this book is what Martin Luther called the "theology of the cross." He identifies these words as conveying the substance of God's way of caring for us, and Luther encourages pastors to follow this example. "He deserves to be called a theologian," he writes, "who comprehends the visible and manifest things of God through suffering and the cross" and stresses that "God wished to be recognized in suffering." Throughout this book, either explicitly or implicitly, I have drawn my understanding of pastoral care from these words, the theology of the cross.

In part 1, The Context of Pastoral Care Today, Eyer's brings the reader to a greater understanding of the theology of the cross and why it is a needed foundation for true spiritual care for souls in the here and now. He states, The goal of pastoral care under the cross is not to try to eliminate suffering but to point the parishoner to God in the midst of suffering.

A few pertinent quotes are found in chapter 2: Pastor as Cross Bearer. First, he must accept his own weaknesses before he supports others in bearing theirs. This begins with the theology of the cross, the Good News that God works through weakness...Second, he must give attention to his own growth in faith and to his psychological growth. As he becomes more aware of his strengths and weaknesses and gains insight into his own motives, he will realize more than ever that God works through him by grace. What a relief to learn this! God calls the pastor, not to be successful in what he does but to be faithful, regardless of results....This too is the theology of the cross.

In part 2, The Cross in Action: Practical Pastoral Care in Specific Circumstances, Eyer's foucses on the following topics:

Crossing the Years: The Elderly

With the Aid of the Cross: Aids

On the Cross: Dying

At the Foot of the Cross: Mourners

Crossing the Line: Mental Illness

Feeling Crossed Out: Depression

At the Crossroads: Medical Ethics


The rest of this post will focus on chapter 10: Feeling Crossed Out: Depression.

A distinction is made between faith and feeling. The Christian faith does not prevent depression. Here is another quote:

The pastor needs to understand the distinction between feelings and faith. They are not the same thing...The presence of Christ is fulfilled - dramatically for the depressed - in physical form by Christ's body and blood in the bread and wine of Communion and also in the presence of the pastor who gathers with the depressed person in Christ's name. Psychiatry may "sweep and put the house in order" (Luke 11:24-26); but to make it a home, an empty house needs the new furniture of hope which Christ offers and a family of support where two or three gather together in His name.

Rev. Eyer warns the pastor not to play psychiatrist among parishoners but does give some insight into the kinds of depression before he says:

Severely depressed people cannot be talked or counselled out of depression....The severely depressed must be directed to get help, since they will not do so on their own. Someone must take charge, preferably a family member, who orders the depressed against all protests to see a doctor. Directed care is necessary; empathy is counter-productive. Depression should be seen as a problem within a limited time frame, with beginning and end, within which the pastor walks with the person through the emptiness to help him visualize God's presence. The pastor does well to do this while the person is also under the psychiatrist's care.


Rev. Richard Eyer's provides a solid foundation for the theory and practice of pastoral care. I recommend this book not only to pastors but also to parishoners who, in the midst of suffering of any kind and afraid God has forsaken them, need true comfort and care for their souls.


Hope in Christ &
God bless your soul

-oms

Depression and Private Confession

O My Soul:

The Sunday after Easter in the Historic Lectionary is John 20. Jesus Christ gives men the power to forgive sins on the behalf of God. Amazing. This gift of the keys to the church on earth to open and close heaven for sinners is not viewed well today.

Most view private confession as unnecessary. Men can't forgive sins and God isn't here.

Most view private confession as something between them and God. No other people involved.

Most view private confession as a punishment rather than a gift from a loving God.

Most view private confession as only for those who really need help.


But God can forgive sins through others because Jesus Christ was dead and is now alive.

But Jesus Christ is God and He is both in heaven and on earth.

But private confession is Gospel. Christ died to forgive sins.

And we all really need was private confession gives: Christ crucified, applied to me as an individual who suffers from specific and very real sins.


I think I have found a new Father-Confessor since this move and all. I would prefer the old one but I agree that it may be better to have someone in the flesh listen and absolve.

I hope you have the blessing of a pastor to listen to you and absolve you, too.

Hope in Christ and
God bless you,

-oms

Depression and Family

O My Soul:

Today was not ordinary for our family.

The two older children had their first soccer game of the year. They enjoyed it even though one child's team lost. I watched both of them.

While the first game was going on, I watched my youngest son. We sat on the sidelines. I read on of his library books to him. We had a nice time.

I spent time with my son on his 4-H project. He enjoyed it and we have some ideas for the summer fair. (This is our first time in 4-H).

We set up the backyard fire pit (thank you Menards). We made hot dogs over the fire with smores for dessert. The kids had a great time.

My daughter wanted to play a board game. So we did. Lots of fun.


You may ask, "Who cares?" Everybody does that kind of stuff.

Well not this family. It has been a long time since I spent the whole day with my family. I did have a few grumpy moments but pulled through.

My point is that it's not only the depressed that suffer from depression but also the family. Emotions are contagious. Good emotions. Bad emotions. Depressed emotions bring the whole family down.

I'm glad we had a good day; not just me but the whole family. I hope we can build many more good memories, good emotions, and good days this summer.

God bless you and yours,

-oms

Depression and Theology

O My Soul:

I am again ready to look at the deeper roots of this thing called my mental illness.

I propose (without promises) the following:

1. How to address depression symptoms. (from current & past events)

2. How to address the anxiety that often accompanies my depression.

3. Book reviews on the cure and care of soul from ancient & medieval & modern theologians.

Please let me know if there is a topic you would like me to address.

Hope in Christ &
God bless you

-oms

Upward Spiral

O My Soul:

Anyone who has had depression can acknowledge the helplessness of the downward spiral. Anyone who has had a bad day has experienced a similar event, maybe not as extreme, but similar.

But what about the upward spiral? The upward spiral is several steps that move me from a bad state of mind to a good and active state.

The upward spiral is helping my morning wakeup routine. I tend to procrastinate in the morning. If I'm tired, its easy to sleep in. If I don't have to be somewhere, it's easy to linger over coffee. And so on.

So, I have a morning upward spiral to get me started.

The night before:
1. I program the coffee pot to brew a pot of coffee a half-hour before I get up.
2, I set my cell phone alarm (get up at the same time each day).
3. I go to bed at the same time each night.

In the morning:
4. Turn off the alarm.
5. Make the sign of the cross (My hand prays for me and reminds me I'm baptized when my mind and mouth are not yet working.)
6. Drink two glass of water and then a cup of coffee (Hydration gets my body working)
7. Shave, shower, dress.
8. Pray a psalm or two (Matins at church later on)

This spiral takes me a good hour or two, so my wake up time is early. But by the end, I feel good and can help my family wake up, eat breakfast with them, and get to work feeling well prepared to think, write, and face the challenges of the day.

I am preparing a few other upward spirals. Especially during spiritual attacks, depression, anxiety, etc.

What is your upward spiral?

God bless,

-oms

The Eyes

O My Soul:

Some depression is economic. Some depression is in the eyes.

Blessed Easter time to you.

-oms

Brother's Keeper

O My Soul:

As a pastor, why should I care about other pastors?

Because they are my God-given neighbors. Because many no longer enjoy their God-given vocations (relationships with congregations and church body). Most pastors I know are taking anti-depressants.

Other pastors are not the competition...they are my brothers.

Therefore, I am overjoyed to help form a monthly study-group for pastors along with congregation members for mutual support. It is a time to feed them with God's Word and Lutheran doctrine. In our case, the Augsburg Confession and Martin Chemnitz's four volume The Examination of the Council of Trent. And plenty of food.

It is a small but important gesture to support other pastors and their congregations.

Hope in Christ alone & God bless you,

-oms

Stigma

O My Soul:

Here is a brief but nice article on lessoning the stigma of mental illness from the Mayo Clinic.

Stigma is complicated.

If I told you I broke my leg or have high cholesterol you would probably understand why I'm wearing a cast or taking Lipitor.

If I told you I have clinical depression with anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder on top of a dependent personality disorder, then you might just walk away...quickly.

The difference between the two situations is called stigma.

-oms

Blessed Easter

O My Soul:

Jesus Christ is risen!

He is risen indeed. Alleluia.

The angel gave the message to His disciples that He is not in the tomb but has gone before them into the town of Galilee.

Today, He is located where He promises to be for you.

Where is that? He promises to speak to you in the preaching of His Word by His called servants. He promises to meet you bodily in the sacrament of His Holy Supper.

May God bless you His way this Easter season.

-oms

Your death for me my plea

O My Soul:

When depression strikes, I tend to become quiet. Less communicative. More withdrawn.

We sang O Sacred Head Now Wounded on Good Friday evening. It's a beautiful hymn. This verse stood out for me during the service.

Here will I stand beside you, Your death for me my plea;
let all the world deny You, I clasp you close to me.
My awe cannot be spoken, to see You crucified;
but in Your body broken, Redeemed, I safely hide.


God bless you all.

-oms

I Left the Light on for You!

O My Soul:

Welcome to the new blog address for O My Soul. Not much has changed, but feel free to look around. And stop in anytime you want.

The light is always on - for you!

God bless.

-oms

Luther on Prayer

O My Soul:

The 16th century reformer, Dr. Martin Luther, wrote this on prayer (my emphasis is in italics):

“Where there is a Christian, there is the Holy Ghost, who is always engaged in prayer. For though the Christian does not continually move his lips to utter words, nevertheless the heart is beating and pulsating, like the arteries and the heart in the body, unceasingly sighing: O dear Father, may Thy name be hallowed, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done among us and all people, etc.

And as the attacks, trials, and troubles press and crowd harder, also such sighing and begging becomes more urgent, even audible.

So, then, you cannot find a Christian who is not always praying, as little as a living person is without a pulse, which never rests, but beats continuously, though the person may be sleeping or is occupied otherwise, so that he is not aware of its beating.” (St. L. VIII:363.)

What then is needed for prayer? Luther says:

“Without communion with Christ no one can pray even one word which would count before God or be pleasing to Him.

The prayers of the Turks, Jews, monks, and hypocrites are of that kind.”

Speaking of this prerequisite of prayer, Luther says:

“The Spirit of grace brings it to pass that we can and may, yea, must, begin to pray.

Hence Christ here means to say: If you believe in Me and have received the Spirit, your hearts having thus become sure of God’s grace, as He had said above, ‘He that hath seen Me hath seen the Father,’ then your prayer will follow as a matter of course. For this is the true and proper work of Christians, and of the Christian only.

For before we become Christians and believe, we do not know what and how we should pray. And though a man prays most fervently , still the Spirit of grace is not there. The natural heart can only speak thus: Dear Lord, do Thou regard how virtuously I live, how much I suffer; or take into consideration the merit of this and that saint, the intercession and good works of pious people. Here there is no faith in divine grace and mercy for Christ’s sake; here the heart always remains uncertain and cannot know that it is certainly heard; it wants to deal with God only on the basis of man’s own holiness or that of others, without Christ, as though God ought to humble Himself before such a man and be forced to bestow His grace or help and thus become our Debtor and Servant. Such an attitude does not merit grace, but wrath; it is not prayer, but a mocking of God.”


Concerning the Lord’s Prayer, taught by Christ Himself, Luther says in his Large Catechism:

“Besides this we should be incited and drawn to prayer because in addition to this commandment and promise

God anticipates us and Himself arranges the words and form of prayer for us, and places them upon our lips as to how and what we should pray, that we may see how heartily He pities us in our distress, and may never doubt that such prayer is pleasing to Him and shall certainly be answered;

which prayer has a great advantage indeed over all other prayers that we might compose ourselves. For in them the conscience would ever be in doubt and say: I have prayed, but who knows how it pleases Him, or whether I have hit upon the right proportions and form? Hence there is no nobler prayer to be found upon earth than the Lord’s Prayer, which we daily pray, because it testifies excellently that God loves to hear it, which we ought not to surrender for all the riches of the world.” (Trigl. 703, Large Cat., Lord’s Prayer, 22 f.)

My summary on these notes:

I am learning that Christ has been praying for me and with me all along.

Depression is causing me to pray more earnestly and audibly. I am finding joy in daily prayers handed down to me from the church of old. (Matins and Vespers)

When I'm unable to intentionally pray Matins or Vespers (whose form is taken from a rich understand of Scripture), I am glad that the Lord's Prayer is always pleasing to God.

I am thankful to audibly hear God speak to me in His Word and Sacrament which leads me back to Him (even if it is my mouth He uses or that of friends or brother pastors.)

Those are a few notes for today. Thank you Dr. Luther for teaching me and thank you to the readers for remembering me in your prayers, comments, and phone call.

God bless you, too.

-oms

Annunciation = Hope

O My Soul:

For those feeling hopeless, today we remember the angel Gabriel's announcement to Mary:

The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God...for with God nothing will be impossible (Luke 1:35-37).

Nine months from today we observe the birth of Christ, but today we observe His conception. There is hope for your soul in Christ.

We pray:

O Lord, as we have known the incarnation of Your Son, Jesus Christ, by the message of the angel to the virgin Mary, so by the message of His cross and passion bring us to the glory of His resurrection; through the same Jesus Christ, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

God bless you in Christ,

-oms

I Like Lent

O My Soul:

The congregation and I have been learning the Evening Service from the Lutheran Service Book during mid-week services. It's a beautiful service. We learned it well. We sang the whole thing (including me as the pastor).

So what do I like about Lent.

I like focusing on the Word of God.

I like delivering the extra services. (I appreciate the break after Lent, too. But for six weeks its really great.)

I like that the congregation doesn't bother me with as much trivia because they are concerned about my schedule. However, I a had good boundaries in place before the season started. I am not run down. I'm getting plenty of rest and feeling ok.

I like the build up to Easter. What a beautiful message to proclaim. Universal atonement delivered to me in Word and Sacrament for my justification by faith through Christ. There are so many ways to proclaim it. What a blessing that I get to do it.

I like the predictable schedule. Preach, teach, visit. This is always my goal throughout the year, too. It seems to work out best during Lent.

So I like Lent. Hard to believe tonight was our last midweek lenten service for the year.

God bless,

-oms

If God Were Not Beside Us Now

O My Soul:

From Martin Luther: Hymns, Ballads, Chants, Truth page 17-18:
"Luther's friend Justus Jonas in 1524 wrote an eight-stanza paraphrase of Psalm 124. In contrast to the smooth-flowing style of Jonas, Luther also undertook the paraphrasing of the same psalm, his being shorter, more rugged, and closer to the text of the psalm. After Luther's version was published in Walter's Wittenberg hymnal of 1524, both his and Jonas' paraphrases were included in early Lutheran hymnals. Walter's tune is the one most associated with this text.

Tr. F. Samuel Janzow, 1913-2001
Setting by Richard Hillert
Publisher: Concordia Publishing House (1979)"

---

"If God Had Not Been on Our Side"

by Martin Luther, 1483-1546

1. If God had not been on our side
And had not come to aid us,
The foes with all their power and pride
Would surely have dismayed us;
For we, His flock, would have to fear
The threat of men both far and near
Who rise in might against us.

2. Their furious wrath, did God permit,
Would surely have consumed us
And as a deep and yawning pit
With life and limb entombed us.
Like men o'er whom dark waters roll
Their wrath would have engulfed our soul
And, like a flood, o'erwhelmed us.

3. Blest be the Lord, who foiled their threat
That they could not devour us;
Our souls, like birds, escaped their net,
They could not overpower us.
The snare is boken-we are free!
Our help is ever, Lord, in Thee,
Who madest earth and heaven.

Hymn 267
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Ps. 124
Author: Martin Luther, 1524
Translated by: composite
Titled: "War' Gott nicht mit uns diese Zeit"
Tune: "War' Gott nicht mit uns"
1st Published in: Gesangbuch
Town: Wittenberg, 1537

-oms

Alcoholism

O My Soul:

Alcoholism is a deadly disease, too. I listened to a young lady for an hour and a half this morning about the last few years of her life with a raging alcoholic husband and two young children. She is hurt with all the verbal abuse. She's angry. She's at the end of her rope.

Lord grant us wisdom during the next few weeks and be her Shepherd. Amen.

Beautiful Savior

O My Soul:

I remember learning this hymn in 8th or 9th grade. I attended a Roman Catholic summer class for about one week. It was hot but the sanctuary doors were open to let in the fresh air. Two nuns, one mom, and an organist focused the music on this one hymn. I learned it by the end of the week. Enjoy, and

God bless you and keep you!

"Beautiful Savior" under the direction of Eugene B. Nelson, with the Midland Lutheran College Alumni Choir, April 2008 in Fremont, Nebraska.

"Beautiful Savior"
by Author Unknown, 1677
Translated by Joseph A. Seiss, 1823-1904

1. Beautiful Savior,
King of Creation,
Son of God and Son of Man!
Truly I'd love Thee,
Truly I'd serve Thee,
Light of my soul, my Joy, my Crown.

2. Fair are the meadows,
Fair are the woodlands,
Robed in flowers of blooming spring;
Jesus is fairer,
Jesus is purer;
He makes our sorrowing spirit sing.

3. Fair is the sunshine,
Fair is the moonlight,
Bright the sparkling stars on high;
Jesus shines brighter,
Jesus shines purer,
Than all the angels in the sky.

4. Beautiful Savior,
Lord of the nations,
Son of God and Son of Man!
Glory and honor,
Praise, adoration,
Now and forevermore be Thine!

Hymn #537
Lutheran Service Book
Text: Ps. 45: 2
Author: unknown, 1677
Translated by: Joseph A. Seiss, 1873
Titled: "Schoenster Herr Jesu"
Tune: "Schoenster Herr Jesu"
1st Published in: "Schlesische Volkslieder"
Town: Leipzig, 1842

Free Book is All the Buzz

O My Soul:

I ordered four copies of the Free Book entitled I Trust When Dark My Road. I had two other copies from the first publication, too.

Anyway, I wove the book into a Wednesday night Lenten service a couple weeks ago. After the service, I made the copies available to anyone in the congregation who would like to read the book. I only asked that they return the books when finished so we could keep them in the library for others to read.

That Wednesday night, I handed out five of my six copies. I handed out the other one on Sunday. Three come back by the beginning of the next Wednesday service but were gone again before locking the doors and going home.

I've had three people explain how various kinds of mental illness is in their family.
I listened and then prayed for and with them. I think it has been made clear that I will listen.

I didn't think the book would be this popular among so many in the congregation. There are many hurting people out there.

God bless you and keep you.

-oms

Lent 5: Judica

O My Soul:

"Judge me, O Lord and defend my cause against an ungodly people...Why have you rejected me?" Psalm 43.

I have joined my prayers with this psalm often. Recently, however, not from despair but because the Lord has promised not to reject me.

I am baptized into the death of the Christ. That is not wishful thinking but an act of God for me. He promises to protect me and he does.

Before I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I thought I was weak but I would lash out at others for taking advantage of me in my weakness. After I was diagnosed, I had a name for my weakness called "clinical depression". That and medication has helped put things into perspective. I don't lash out as much. People were never taking advantage of me in my weakness; pain; darkness. Much the opposite, many have been trying to help me.

I am beginning to think that (for me) not having depression would be a bad thing.

I think I have an insatiable appetite for success in this world. Be it education, title, priviledge, or power. As much as I want those things I am coming to realize they are not my joy but my appetite.

God is good to me in Christ. He cares for my whole soul inspite of my sinful appetites and has granted me a weakness that is for my good; for salvation from those sinful appetites.

Why does my soul become cast down (depression)? Why is my soul in such turmoil (anxious) within me? ...because I am a sinner. I have an appetite for things not of God.

This doesn't me I have no faith in Christ. I am baptized and my refuge is in Him. My prayer is that He judge me according to His promise to me in Holy Baptism.

You know what happened this morning? I confessed my sin and was forgiven. I heard God tell me about Abraham and Issac (Genesis 22), His High Priest Jesus (Hebrews 9:11-15), and then Christ Himself encountering false accusations (John 8:42-59).

And to top it off, you know what happened after that? I went to the altar of God, my exceeding joy, and He fed me His holy Body and precious Blood.

Not bad for a snowy spring morning this Sunday, March 21st.

So I am beginning to think differently about my clinical depression and my anxiety. I am beginning to this they are a gift of God. A gift where in the middle of my suffering...I see Jesus...and the wonderful people with whom He surrounds me.

In Him I hope.

And may God bless you.

-oms

Thank You Glenn Close

-oms

Weeping Over Christian Missions

O My Soul:

The darkest part of my depression was experienced overseas as a missionary.

The prevailing attitude within the missions leadership of my church body (even just a few years ago) is that you are either tough enough to handle the abandonment and abuse...or not. That may sound harsh, but as I have talked to more and more former missionaries both inside and outside the circles of my own church body, a similar pattern appears.

So, when I ran across this little article about a heart for missions earlier this morning, I experienced more thoughts and feelings than I can express in a single post. But here are a few:

I don't have the heart to be treated like a rock star visiting supporting congregations only to ask for more money. I don't have the heart to watch young college graduates lose their soul to another world religion. I don't have the heart to find another short-term missionary in a brothel. I don't have the heart to teach English to the neglect of the Great Commission to baptize and teach. I don't have the heart for planning, and more planning, and then re-planning strategies to convert the world to Jesus when at the heart of the problem is that we missionaries don't acknowledge sin in our own hearts nor in the hearts of those to whom we have been sent.

A warning to anyone praying and thinking about serving in Christian missions. You will be romanced (recruited) sweetly (aggressively) by mission leaders. It feels pretty good. But, if in the next few years you prove faint hearted in the midst of the stress that will come your way, don't be surprised if you are tossed away like a used hag.

We who have gone that way are legion... and forgotten.

Well, Jesus remembers and continues to weep over Jerusalem. It is written:

   
⁴¹ Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it, ⁴² saying, “If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. (Luke 19:41-42, New King James Version)

Let us pray,

Father God, remember the baptized and save us, even me, according to Your promise; through Jesus Christ, Your Son, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

And may God bless your soul.

-oms

The Sandman

O My Soul:

My wife would call it a pregnancy sleep.

I call an international jet-lag sleep. It is like counting backwards from ten while the dentist turns up the gas before removing empacted wisdom teeth. This kind of sleep is in control of you rather than the other way around.

Yesterday, was a Gospel day. Morning service and Bible study was really nice. Lunch with my family. I spent the afternoon teaching a new member class and taking Holy Communion to the home of a cancer patient. I was home at supper-time for a great homemade meal with my family.

All I did was take a little rest on the couch after supper...and awoke this morning at 8:30 a.m. That's 14 hours of sleep (well minus the two hours of T.V. from 10 to midnight).

What's with that?

Dressed. Quick breakfast. Matins at church and office hours.

It is now 11:30am and I'm still rubbing the sand out of my eyes.

-oms

Lent 4: Laetare (Joy Sunday)

O My Soul:

It is written,

 ¹ After these things Jesus went over the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. ² Then a great multitude followed Him, because they saw His signs which He performed on those who were diseased. ³ And Jesus went up on the mountain, and there He sat with His disciples.
⁴ Now the Passover, a feast of the Jews, was near. ⁵ Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” ⁶ But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do.
⁷ Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.”
⁸ One of His disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to Him, ⁹ “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?”
¹⁰ Then Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. ¹¹ And Jesus took the loaves, and when He had given thanks He distributed them to the disciples, and the disciples to those sitting down; and likewise of the fish, as much as they wanted. ¹² So when they were filled, He said to His disciples, “Gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.” ¹³ Therefore they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves which were left over by those who had eaten. ¹⁴ Then those men, when they had seen the sign that Jesus did, said, “This is truly the Prophet who is to come into the world.”   
¹⁵ Therefore when Jesus perceived that they were about to come and take Him by force to make Him king, He departed again to the mountain by Himself alone.
(John 6:1-15, New King James Version)

Here I learn to things. First, in Christ, God supplies all my bodily needs. He knows before I do what my body needs and cares for me even in my grumbling. Second, He desires much more for me. He is the Bread of Life who grants me forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life both now and forevermore.

A prayer handed down the centuries:

Almighty God, heavenly Father,

Your mercies are new every morning; and though we deserve only punishment, You receive us as Your children and provide for all our needs of body and soul.

Grant that we may heartily acknowledge Your merciful goodness, give thanks for all Your benefits, and serve You in willing obedience;

through Jesus Christ, Your Son, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.

Amen.

God bless.

-oms

New Public Service Announcement

O My Soul:

Here is a new PSA for Depression.org

Add this to your resources. You may find it helpful.

And God bless you.

-om

The Babysitter

O My Soul:

I didn't cross the line.

Yesterday, I was at the line of darkness and looking in that abyss. I read the psalms, lazed around the house, picked up dog pooh in the back yard, and took my oldest son to 4-H. I didn't talk a lot the whole day. However, I want to re-iterate: I wasn't pulled into the darkest of dark places. I didn't yell, rant, hurt others but clung to the Third and Fifth Commandments as my only hope to remain in the faith to God and serve my neighbor. I spoke the psalms aloud for myself and cleaned the backyard for my wife. Today I'm on speaking terms both with God (in prayer) and my wife (at the coffee shop).

Yes, to conclude a painful day (and week) I called the babysitter to come over so I could take my wife out for coffee. We were at the coffee shop from 9 til noon. Just talking. The only evil thing so far was the name of the coffee: Diabolical Java, 32oz., black!

The kids had a great time, too.

God bless you.

-oms

Heart of Darkness

O My Soul:

I feel it coming again.

There are times when the darkness rolls in like the setting of the sun. In times like that I feel like going to bed. At it's worst. I'll curl up and not do much. Politely, I say I'm going to take a nap. I took a nap Wednesday afternoon. I bounced back for the rest of the day.

But, their are times when I become the darkness as black as a moonless night. During these times, I have plenty of energy but embody an attitude of mean spiritedness. My being is filled with...well...piss and vinegar and I'm often itchin' for a fight. I haven't felt like that for quite awhile but I'm approaching it.

What will I do?

Psalm 42 is a good start:

As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? 3 My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?" 4 When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast. 5 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance. 6 O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan, And from the heights of Hermon, From the Hill Mizar. 7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me. 8 The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, And in the night His song shall be with me -- A prayer to the God of my life. 9 I will say to God my Rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" 10 As with a breaking of my bones, My enemies reproach me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 11 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

Amen and amen!

-oms

Repost: On Praying in your Marriage Written by Todd Peperkorn on March 8th, 2010

O My Soul:

I'm reposting this post from the Rev. Todd Pepperkorn on prayer in marriage. Enjoy.



“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 ESV)

One of the many benefits which my wife and I have received from the DOXOLOGY training program has been the gift of prayer. Kathryn and I were able to have a wonderful dinner and conversation with an Australian pastor and theologian named Dr. John Kleinig. He is best known in our parish for his delightful book, Grace Upon Grace.

As Kathryn and I sat and talked with him, he asked me about my book, and specifically about the struggle that I had with prayer while I was sick and on disability. We talked, and then he told us what he and his wife have been doing for many years. They’ve made several resolutions about their common life together. Here are some of them:

1. Always go to bed at the same time. This insures that eventually or generally, you end up on the same wake/sleep schedule. It helps a marriage if you aren’t two ships passing in the night, living parallel lives.

2. Talk about the day, especially that made you rejoice, and what challenges or temptations you had. This helps you to stay focused on one another and your actually needs, not simply on talking about the weather, the children, the schedule, etc.

3. Finally, pray out loud for one another each night in the presence of your spouse. The point of this is that it focuses your life upon the life of your spouse. You know that your needs are heard by your spouse and by God Himself. It helps you to know what to actually do to help your spouse, because they have told you what is going on.

So Kathryn and I started doing this in September 2009, and I can hardly begin to tell you what kind of a blessing it has been to our marriage and our family. We are more aware of one another, we are more relaxed, and we know that for at least one little snippet of time each day, we are together and in Christ. It has helped us to focus on the needs of each of our children, of our family at large and on our brothers and sisters here at Messiah.

Why not try it? It doesn’t have to be long or complicated. It can be as simple as “God bless Kathryn. Give her a night of sleep. Help our children to rest so that they and we may rise in the morning to serve you.” You may be amazed at what God can do.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Peperkorn



Thank you Pastor Peperkorn.

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If thou but suffer God to guide thee

O My Soul:

A great hymn: If thou but suffer God to guide thee

Lyrics:

If thou but suffer God to guide thee
And hope in Him through all thy ways,
He'll give thee strength, whate'er betide thee,
And bear thee through the evil days.
Who trust in God's unchanging love
Builds on the rock that naught can move.

What can these anxious cares avail thee
These never ceasing moans and sighs?
What can it help if thou bewail thee
O'er each dark moment as it flies?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness.

Be patient and await His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whatever thy Father's pleasure
And His discerning love hath sent,
Nor doubt our inmost want are known
To Him who chose us for His own.

God knows full well when time of gladness
Shall be the needful thing for thee.
When He has tried thy soul with sadness
And from all guile has found thee free,
He comes to thee all unaware
And makes thee own His loving care.

Nor think amid the fiery trial
That God hath cast thee off unheard,
That he whose hopes meet no denial
Must surely be of God preferred.
Time passes and much change doth bring
And set a bound to everything.

All are alike before the Highest:
'Tis easy for our God, We know,
To raise thee up, though low thou liest,
To make the rich man poor and low.
True wonders still by Him are wrought
Who setteth up and brings to naught.

Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving,
Perform thy duties faithfully,
And trust His Word: though undeserving,
Thou yet shalt find it true for thee.
God never yet forsook in need
The soul that trusted Him indeed.

-oms

Brother Pastors

O My Soul:

I'm attending the monthly Pastor's (Circuit) meeting today.

I am blessed with a great group of pastors in my circuit. We are like minded on core doctrine and practice. And we can socialize together which is great.

However, I used to think about what I could get from attendance. My schedule is full. Pastors can be competitive people, especially when discussing God's Word and the people we interact with day by day. So it is sometimes easy to think of these meetings as a waste of time. Even while attending, I often wasn't really there.

I've been changing my focus. I'm beginning to think about how to support and care for these gentlemen. They have lonely vocations. They meet many people but often friends with only a few. The loneliness can be overwhelming. Some of them leave the office of pastor as broken souls.

So what do I do?

First, I listen. I talk less and listen more.

Second, I pray. Truly, none of us are ever alone. Jesus is there brother and also advocate with the Father.

Third, I more actively contribute to thinking through their problems for the benefit. Lord knows, they do the same for me.

-oms

Best Actress

O My Soul:

This year's Oscar for best actress in a dramatic role goes to my wife.

She played the role of single parent to three children while single handedly keeping a dark marriage together. Not to mention caring for the dog.

Thank you. May the future be brighter.

-oms

Prayer initiated by the Father

O My Soul:

Prayer is a conversation with God that He begins with Baptized souls in His Word.

This understanding of prayer is not popular, taught much, or trusted even by the baptized soul. I often thought prayer started with me talking to God. I think that's why I often quit, felt distracted, and bored with my own thoughts.

The unbaptized soul is dead to God. (alive to his neighbor but dead to God) And dead men don't talk. So God is pleased to give life to the dead through His gift of water and Word.

Since my soul is baptized, what then is prayer?

Prayer is a conversation God our Father initiates with the baptized through His Word. My soul responds. First by listening. Then by speaking a little bit. And then by listening some more. I am learning His vocabulary; His thoughts.

This understanding of prayer has been a blessing to my soul.

When depression strikes, I feel so utterly alone. But I am not alone. I am in Christ who is my advocate with the Father. He invites me into His prayers for me and for others as well.

The appointed prayer of the week from the historic lectionary is a prayer passed down over the centuries and has been a daily blessing to my soul this past week.

Here it is. May it be a blessing to your soul as well:


O God, You see that of ourselves we have no strength. By Your mighty power defend us from all adversities that may happen to the body and from all evil thoughts that may assault and hurt the soul; through Jesus Christ, Your Son, our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Rev. Peperkorn Back in Print

O My Soul:

The book I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression by the Rev. Todd Peperkorn is again in print from LCMS World Relief and Human Care.

I highly recommend this free (plus shipping) 100 page read to clergy and congregations. The author tell's the story of his descent into mental illness, his diagnosis, and his recovery to a life of joy as pastor, husband, and father.

Order your free copy while supplies last.

The Lord bless your soul.

-oms

Two Years Later

O My Soul:

Two years ago, I felt like I had a wet towel constantly wrapped around my head while people were throwing punches at me. Street talk for a blanket party.

Life was dark. I could not see my way through a simple day. It was a sense of chronic disorientation. I was told by my therapist that I carried myself well that it didn't show. That was verified in a number of ways. Even my wife, for a long time, didn't realize the extent of the darkness. But, I was a lost soul.

Life was painful, too. Emotional pain that led to physical pain. Emotional pain that was beyond reason and seemingly beyond my control. Constantly on the defensive even as I publicly carried myself quite well.

The darkness (depression) and pain (anxiety/fear) eventually came out at home. My wife and children felt the darkness without a word from me. Words came out as accusations and anger. Many tears have been shed.

That was two years ago. Thanksgiving week 2008 I started to get help. It has been a good first start.

I asked my wife how things are going. She is pleased.

I am not as angry. I spend time with the children in ways that the children like to spend time with me. I take out the trash more often. I help with dishes every once in awhile. I've arranged babysitters to care for the children in order to take my wife out to eat more often. I take Friday and Saturday off every week. Saturday is scheduled on the church calendar as Pastor's Family Day. Friday is simply unscheduled. I pray Matins (most mornings) and night time prayers with my family (most evenings). I'm still able to meet shut-ins, make family visits, prepare to teach and preach. I rest more while adequately meeting my vocational responsibilities.

It has been a good first start, but it is still difficult.

Medication has slowed my emotional responses while at the same time I live with an unpleasant dizziness. I still feel a lot. I still feel the darkness and the pain. I just don't react the same way. I'm able to think in the midst of the emotions. The ability to think is a gift from God. I'm glad I have the ability somewhat restored to me. I pray that I use my mind to grow in faith toward God and in fervent love toward my neighbor (starting at home and then the congregation of Christ's holy people.) My family doctor is suggesting that we lower the medication dosage at our next meeting in May. I'm not comfortable with that at this time but then again it's only March.

Since moving in November, I have not been meeting with a psychologist and I have not had contact with my Father/Confessor.

I'm just starting the search for a new psychologist. Good ones are hard to find.

And to my Father/Confessor: I still have your book of Psalms with Luther commentary. It is great. Thank you for all your help and prayers. Talk to you soon.

-oms

Sacred Meditations

O My Soul:

Johann Gerhardt is one of the great orthodox Lutheran theologians. He is also the author of many devotions. Here is exercise 13 from his Sacred Meditations. It is good for the soul to hear how much Christ is taking care of you.

-oms

It's Working!

O My Soul:

Completely unrelated to the church's season of Lent, I joined

Weight Watchers

and I am impressed.

I have a hard time doing any exercise during the winter. I drink coffee and watch the snow blow across the backyard. Instead of going to the YMCA, I get up for another cup of coffee. My girth has increased. My optimism has decreased. I've been a little edgy, too.

Here enters Weight Watchers.

Weight Watchers is not a diet. It's an education about food and fitness. I've often wondered how anybody could cut calories without feeling insatiably hungry after a few days or weeks. Weight Watchers teaches how by helping us stay aware of the kinds of foods we eat. Is the food high in fiber? fat? or calories? What is my current weight? How much have I moved this week? Was the movement at a low intensity? moderate? high?

All this can be calculated in a simple manner. I like numbers and I like simple.

What a blessing that I have found something that may work!

-oms

Groundhog Day

O My Soul:


Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter.

I ok with this. The weather is much warmer than January. Lent is approaching and that's a good thing. Easter is just around the corner. Not only do we get to see a resurrection of apparently dead trees and flowers, we also receive the benefit of the one who was truly dead and now alive.

Blessings to you in Christ


-oms

Winter Vacation: I'm Back

O My Soul:

Last summer my doctor recommended I plan a winter vacation. He said it might help during the dark days of winter. Fortunately, my family had two invitations to go to Florida and stay with family and friends. Three days on the Gulf Coast, FL and seven days in Disney World...I had a great time.

I had a good talk with a relative about depression. I found out only recently that she has been struggling with minor depression since her teenage years and has infrequent bouts with major depression. 2009 was a bad year for her.

I have been able to sleep for over nine months. I have also been able to reduce my work schedule while interacting more with my wife and children. Even when I'm feeling bad, I'm able (most of the time) to put on the mask of a healthier person so as not to hurt my family.

However, I want to continue to improve. To do that I need to find a psychiatrist, psychologist, and a father-confessor in my new hometown (I accepted a call last fall to a new parish). This will take work...but I'm ready for it.

Also, I will probably plan a winter vacation next year as well.

Thanks Mickey and your Magic Kingdom....but

Blessings to you (the readers) in God's Kingdom with Christ.

-oms

I Trust When Dark My Road

O My Soul:

Well, well! On your first read you arrogantly dismissed the Rev. Todd Pepperkorn's book entitled

I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression

I thought, "That doesn't sound so bad." But I am clinically depressed and haven't read a complete book in over year, let alone analyze the content of one. Nor do I yet fully grasp what has been happening to me.

So I began digesting this hundred page gem - sentence by sentence and half chapter by half chapter - to completion.

My wife exclaimed after she read Chapter Two: The Place of the Family, "So that is what is happening to us!" Dad's growing anger and both emotional and physical withdrawal from her and our three children.

Through the fog of my depression, a new view of the last twenty-five years began to emerge. Teenage depression in the 1980's triggered by divorcing parents. The severe recurrence of that depression while cutting my teeth as a pastor on the foreign mission field in the 2000's. (But, hey, the 1990's weren't so bad:) Anyway, the Reverend Pepperkorn's description of his descent into mental illness is helping me become aware of my own descent into that "ghastly landscape called clinical depression" as described in the introduction by Dr. Beverly Yahnke.

Chapter One addresses the Build Up to the Fall. Chapter Three reviews The Early Signs That Things Were Wrong. The fear of anti-depressant medication is discussed in Chapter Four: The Pill That Marked Me. The rest of the book describes one husband/dad/pastor's journey to a healing that most depressed people never experience due to nothing but a crushing fear that has the capacity to suck the life-breath out of you. In fact, suicide is the topic in Chapter Nine: Thinking the Unthinkable.

The take home message is that Jesus Christ, the Suffering Servant, does not forsake His people. He is near you. His death is for you. He provides doctors, psychologists, pastors, family and friends to deliver His care and cure to you.

Are you the spouse or friend of a mentally ill soul? Read Appendix 1: What to do if a loved one suffers depression.

Are you a pastor without a pastor? Read the Addendum by the Rev. Dr. Harold Senkbeil to help you find a pastor to speak God's grace into your situation.

I encourage you to read this book.

Thank you to the Reverend Todd Pepperkorn for writing this book.

Thank you to the Reverend Matthew Harrison for bringing this book to publication through LCMS World Relief and Human Care of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod.


-oms

Anti-Depressant Behavior

O My Soul:

You became a runner last year. Partly to help you sleep and partly to prove to yourself that you could do it. You chalked up two half-marathons and it had a lot of helpful benefits. Improved mood, less insomnia, and lower cholesterol. All from running (very slowly) three times per week.

I recently learned about the benefits of anti-depressant behavior, such as running or walking. It's not the particular exercise that is important but increasing your heart rate to 70% of maximum a half hour per day.

Problem is ... I don't like exercising every day. I'm beginning to think of it as a needed part of my soul care. Like an anti-depressant medication, anti-depressant behavior is part of that care.

Lord, help me to slow down and make this a daily (or more frequent) priority.

-oms

Midweek Matins

O My Soul:

I have been called to a new congregation. The Lord takes care of His church always.

Anyway, this morning we had our first Midweek Matins and it is good.

-oms

ADHD on Science Friday

O my soul:

New research came out last month on the science behind Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).

What is ADHD?

Listen to an overview of ADHD and the Brain's Reward System from a September 11, 2009 of Science Friday.

It appears that not all brains have the same chemistry to reward you and bring a sense of pleasure.

What might this mean for parents of children with ADHD? What might this mean for you?

-oms

St. Luke, Physician of the Soul

I am doing fine even though I haven't written anything for quite awhile. However, here is a post from the Esgetology blog on St. Luke - the Physician of the Soul.

-oms

Abba Elias

Here are two sayings from the desert father Elias:

Abba Elias, the minister, said, 'What can sin do where there is penitence? And of what use is love where there is pride?'

and

Observe your thoughts, and beware of what you have in your heart and your spirit, knowing that the demons put ideas into you so as to corrupt your soul by making it think of that which is not right, in order to turn your spirit from the consideration of your sins and of God.

Nourishing the soul

O my soul:

I read this over at Quiddity website. Andrew Kern's website is on classical education for children but addresses the nurture of the soul in general. He writes:

A great soul is perceptive, silent, receptive, appropriate. None of these qualities can be developed without nourishing the child’s soul on the true, the good, and the beautiful.

One part of depression is that the soul is malnourished. The soul dwells on unimportant things. The soul dwells on itself and wonders why everything is ugly.

This is true for my soul anyway.

I am beginning to read again. Slowly. Surely. I haven't read much in the last few years but then I've also noticed that the books I was trying to read were those that were not all that beautiful. They were not all that nourishing rather they were lists of facts or stories without a voice. Literature has more to offer while I continue to heal.

Holy Scripture agrees.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Amen.

-oms

Silence

O my soul:

Not much anxiety. Not much depression. Even though activity is swirling around me. I visited my pastor earlier this week and then a good friend.

It is a blessing to confess aloud sin rather than confess anxiety or depression about this sin. It is a greater blessing to be absolved of that sin. Thanks pastor.

And then a little laughter with a friend. I am aware how much I am beginning to feel again and a good laugh with a friend is priceless. Thanks friend.

But overall I've become quiet. I've been praying Matins quite regularly for awhile now. Mostly at home but starting last Tuesday three days a week at the church with the doors open to the public (and announced to the congregation).

I'm beginning to listen to Christ more and myself less. The medication helps but something more is happening. The more I listen, the more I'm able to feel, the more I'm able to pray, the more I'm able to go about my vocations as son, husband, father, pastor, and neighbor.

And let me tell you, the events taking place in my God given vocations are highly emotional. Just this week, my wife was deeply hurt by a congregational survey the elders wanted to conduct and I, in grave error, left it in a place she could read. The first elder's meeting went well but still tense. A teenager, who just buried his father earlier this summer, rolled his (dad's restored) car and is hospitalized with his three friends. I am part of a great group of pastors that make up a Circuit of pastors within our District of pastors. We like and get along with each other very well even while we are not well liked within our district (which became clearer at a meeting this past week.) What else? Shut-ins, hospice calls, cohabitation with newborn child, a male rape victim whose cutting himself, confirmation classes, Bible studies, etc. Not even in my dreams would I imagine some of this stuff.

But...I'm calm, content, in Christ. It is a miracle beyond the meds. I entrusted this week, morning by morning, to Christ and I have been able to serve Him in my vocations without being crushed. Not much anxiety. Not much depression.

Lord, continue to have mercy upon me, my wife, children, and congregation.

And thanks to our Savior, Jesus the Christ!

-oms

9-11 and Reliving Trauma

O My Soul:

Here is an article from Psychology Today entitled 911: Never Forget, but is it helpful to always remember?

We Christians have this twisted notion that we must forgive and forget.

Well, yes, in Christ I can forgive someone who has hurt me. I can recognize the injury, the sin, for what it is. I can be healed. I can definitely be healed from the trauma.

However, I almost always remember the injury and I think most people do to. The act of forgetting is wishful thinking.

I feel sorry for those who have to relive images of a loved ones death year after year. Televised. Reported. Discussed. Again, and again. Year after year.

If I had a loved one who passed away in New York on September 11, 2001, I would turn off the media and read Holy Scripture aloud and receive healing from Christ.

I don't have such a loved one, but I think I will still read Holy Scripture and pray on their behalf.

-oms

Abba Agathon

O My Soul:

I have never gone to sleep with a grievance against anyone. And, as far as I could, I have never let anyone go to sleep with a grievance against me.
- Abba Agathon, 4th to 5th Century, Egyptian monk

Abba Agathon said, “I consider no other labor as difficult as prayer. When we are ready to pray, our spiritual enemies interfere. They understand it is only by making it difficult for us to pray that they can harm us. Other things will meet with success if we keep at it, but laboring at prayer is a war that will continue until we die.”
- Abba Agathon, 4th to 5th Century, Egyptian monk

oms

Dreams Once Dreamed...It's Wonderful

O My Soul:

I've never been one to remember my dreams but lately I have been remembering more of my dreams. And they are good dreams.

I've been feeling a little different, too. I'm having good days and bad days but I am simply feeling much more than I can remember. Not painful feelings, mind you. No, feeling good feelings.

I remember seeing a Diana Krall concert in 2002. Good concert in the midst of a bad time for me personally.

I asked my wife how things have been going lately. She smiled and said that just about anything is better than the constant rage of last year.

Did I say she smiled. Well, ya know...I mean...like...to be totally honest...hey...ya know...dat...der...kinda like, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Like...can't blame me for feeling amorous, ya know - maybe?? Now I've said too much. Gotta go. And God bless.



-oms